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Before I Die
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Series
Episode
2
Airdate
22 November 2010
Ratings
3.37 Million
Running time
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Production code
{{{pc}}}
Flashback
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Flash-forward
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Flash sideways
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Centric character(s)
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Ratings
3.37 Million
Recurring Characters
Margaret Cabourn-Smith - Alison
John Finnemore - Chris
Supporting Characters
Nicholas Bailey - Nurse Karl
Nick Mohammed - Pete (Skydiving Office Worker)
Maggie Service - Georgina
Special Guest Star(s)
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Celebrity Appearance(s)
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Minor or Uncredited Roles
Hilary Gish - Sky Diving School Applicant
Alex MacQueen - Librarian
Rufus Wright - Vicar
Archive footage
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Before I Die is the second episode of the second series of Miranda and was broadcast on 22 November 2010.

Summary[]

Fed up with the way her life is going, Miranda decides to do something important before she dies. When invited to be godmother to Chris and Alison 's baby, she decides that's not what she wants, especially if it includes placenta duty, and she attempts to do something "intrinsically evil" to get out of it. For Miranda, doing bad things only lead to good.

Plot[]

Chris and alison

Chris and Alison at their baby shower.

In the introduction, Miranda reveals that during a social event, she hasn't really accomplished much. Moreover, she explains how she was invited to Chris and Alison's baby shower where she gets drunk and was told that she shouldn't be drinking by a woman who assumes that she is pregnant.

Later sees Miranda is having a business meeting with Stevie who tells her that her 1s and 7s are not clear enough, and can be confused. She then checks her new phone and is excited to see that she has messages, one of which is asking her to come to a funeral but when she tries to replay it to see who has died, she accidentally deletes it. She worries that maybe it's Gary who has died. At that moment, Gary walks through the door, making them both scream. Miranda takes this opportunity to feel him up to check that he's alive. Miranda then discusses whether she should go to the funeral or not. Before she goes to get ready for the funeral, she tries one of Gary's muffins and is appalled he has baked a savoury muffin rather than a sweet one, "A savoury muffin? Life is full of enough disappointments!"

At the church, the people are filling the pews. She goes to ask her mum who has died but gets taken to the front by her cousin who is the one who phoned her. She fails to find out who has died, and then gets called up to the front to give her last respects. Whilst up there, she ends up singing.

Miranda and Penny are not happy with one another and as they depart, and Miranda falls into an open grave. Miranda then takes refuge at the restaurant where Gary is helping her feel better, but when she tells Clive that she fell into a grave, he finds it hilarious and bursts out laughing. She turns and is miffed to see Gary laughing too. She tells them seriously that if she died, what has she achieved to be proud of. A man then enters to ask whether he could place a sponsor form for his parachute jump on the counter, and she orders him out for making her feel bad.

Chris and Alison enter, and immediately annoy Miranda. They ask Gary to be the godfather to their baby, he is flattered and accepts. They then turn to Miranda who assumes that they're asking her to also be godmother, until they say that she is "in the running" which irritates her no end. As they leave, Penny and Tilly enter and tell Miranda not to bother them as they are busy organizing the charity wine tasting event, which she is warned to stay away from. Then she decides to prove to them that she's charitable by signing up for caring for the elderly.

At the old age home, she is seen reading a book to an elderly lady who is sitting in a circle of chairs. After one old man pretends to be dead, she looks to see if he's okay and he scares her, making her scream. This, in turn, makes all of the old people scream. She then leaves and comes back in riding a tea trolley with a tea cozy on her head. Whilst being thrown out, she sees Tilly and tries to pretend that the nurse is her boyfriend.

Back in the shop, a meals on wheels lady delivers a meal to Miranda after they mistakenly read her writing as her birth year was 1914 instead of 1974. Later, in the restaurant, Miranda and Clive discuss that he should ask Gary to speak to Chris and Alison, as that would make them godparents together. Tilly then enters and asks her whether Miranda has been chucked out of anywhere recently before exploding into laughter. To impress, she grabs the parachute leaflet and says that she'll be parachuting for charity. Tilly rudely asks if there were a parachute big enough, and Miranda loses her temper, actually manages a come back, and storms out.

She then goes to sign up for the parachute jump and the man behind the counter is a complete dullard and immediately winds her up by him not getting any of her sarcastic comments. When asked for ID, she pulls out her bus pass, which shows her 1914 birth date, he believes the bus pass rather than her actual looks. When told that the insurance doesn't cover anyone over eighty, she asks whether she could do the training at least so that she could be strapped to an instructor.

Back at the shop, Miranda phones the council to tell them that she was born in 1974 and not 1914. Chris, Alison, and Gary enter to reveal that Miranda will be godmother to their baby. She is then told that this will mean her being Alison's birthing partner, which disgusts her. She immediately asks whether Chris should do it but he reveals that he will be filming it and goes into detail about giving birth which revolts Miranda. When they then accompany one-another to the toilet, Miranda, Gary, and Stevie move behind the counter for a consultation as Miranda reveals her plan; "I shall have to do something intrinsically evil" to make them change their minds about her being godmother. When Chris and Alison return from the loo, Stevie tries to make Miranda look unfit to be a godmother by claiming to have stolen her outfit from a charity shop. Believing this, Alison suggests that stealing is often a sign of low-self esteem and that being godmother is the perfect way of raising this.

After deciding to try to do evil, she heads over to the library to find a copy of Mein Kampf. She then gets into a "shushing" war with the librarian, when suddenly, he shushes Miranda after thinking about the chair she sits in and a black reader shushes her after thinking about her jacket. She then decides it best to tip-toe to a quieter place and falls asleep in the children's reading corner. When she is awoken, she is mistaken for the reader in the children's book session. As she is reading them their book, Chris and Alison walk in and are impressed by her kindness. They leave as she tries to prove that she isn't very nice by reading Mein Kampf to the kids. At that point, the librarian escorts her out.

She returns to the shop, disappointed by her failed attempts at doing bad when the meals on wheels deliverer comes in with flowers, assuming the 1914 Miranda to be dead after being taken off the list. Then the wine tasting event at the restaurant where Penny immediately forces her to meet the vicar. Chris and Alison come over to reveal that Miranda will be performing the tradition of burial the placenta, horrifying her. This is the last straw, and Miranda takes drastic measures to be thought unworthy of the godparent job, and she punches the vicar. Before she can be thrown her out, however, a man approaches her and thanks her for reading to her aunt before she died, followed by a woman who recalls her doing the charity parachute. Suddenly proud, Penny takes Miranda to a group of people and introduces her as someone who jumps out of airplanes and reads to the elderly.

Quotes[]

Gary: What's going on?
Miranda: Someone's dead, don't know who, funeral in two hours. I can't go, can I? Not when I don't know who's in the box. It'll be like Deal Or No Deal, but with people.

---

Chris: Now Gary, we want a word with you. We're too excited to wait to ask people; would you do us the honour of being godfather to baby?
Gary: Oh, wow! Guys, yes, of course. It would be a privilege.
Alison: And godmother, Miranda...
Miranda: Oh, yes...
Alison: We want you to know you are very much in the running!
- - -
Librarian: No, I do the shushing around here!

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